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Poison=Man Arm

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One arm merely turned rosy and splotchy, but the other arm doubled in size. My teenage daughter looked like she had sprouted an overweight man’s arm. Disturbing. By the next day, her face and much of her body was swollen, red, and scaly. She could not stop scratching and wanted to hibernate from the world.

What caused her outbreak? Our team was finishing a rewarding week serving with One Heart Many Hands. My hard-working girl was painting the cement foundation of a house. She tore out some weeds that were in the way, and then paused to pet the cat that seemed to be inspecting her work.

When her team left the job site for the day, she started scratching her arm. She assumed petting the cat made her itch, so she washed her hands. More scratching. She took allergy medicine and smeared anti-itch cream over her arms. It didn’t help. Next thing you knew, she had a man arm.

Several other people at her job site started scratching. You probably already guessed the culprit. The weeds turned out to be poison ivy. My daughter, who had never run into the pesky weed before, is allergic to it. Great.

One of my friends gave me a tube of Zanfel to wash the urushiol from my daughter’s skin (and from my own because it got on me when I was helping her). Oh, blessed relief. A doctor then prescribed steroids for my poor girl. After four days, her arm almost looks like it belongs to her.

I’m trying to make something good come out of our ivy battle, so here are the practical lessons we learned:

  1. Be able to actually identify poison ivy, sumac, and oak.
  2. Know how to treat it immediately (I’m not a Zanfel commercial but it really helped) so the poison doesn’t get into your blood stream (especially if you are allergic).

And here’s how I can apply it to life: Negative thoughts can be just as poisonous as poison ivy. If we don’t tame them right away, they can fester and infect our entire way of thinking. In a previous blog about stinking thinking (http://www.tamibrumbaugh.com/?p=547) I mentioned a scripture that helps me fight off negative thoughts. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV). I also shared my plan to fight the stinking thinking: A negative thought pops into my head. I realize it, grab it, and tell myself to be done with it. I then pump in positive thoughts.

So no more poison, physical or mental. And please no more man arms.

Independence

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Independence Day usually makes me think about flags waving, fireworks, barbecue, and homemade pretzels (our family tradition). After just getting back from serving with One Heart Many Hands, my thoughts have drifted onto an independence tangent. Why? Because we were with teens. Nearly one hundred of them. Day and night. For seven days straight.

You may wonder whatever possessed us to go on an adventure with teens. If you met my husband, you might understand part of his motivation. He’s a big kid at heart and loves the opportunity to act wild and crazy and be applauded for it. He’s quite the entertainer. I’m better in small groups or one on one or behind the scenes. Regardless of personality type, both of us know teens are at a crucial stage of development.

The teens in our group ranged in age from 12 to 18. It was fascinating to see where each student was in the quest for independence. Some had never been away from parents for an extended period of time, while others had been on many expeditions without family and were prepared to leave for college in the fall.

The service experience helped all of them explore the type of person they could become. They were thrust out of their comfort zone, giving up private rooms and hours to escape into the internet. Their eyes were focused on the needs of others. They saw poverty and felt the actual rotting wood and crumbling cement of decaying homes. They actively helped make living conditions better for people they just met. They learned to work even when they were tired, bruised, or itching from poison ivy. They discovered how it felt to be a productive member of society. An added bonus of being part of One Heart Many Hands was that they saw a ripple effect where their small effort fed into a flood of kindness from people all over the United States.

I’m proud our country declared independence back in 1776. I’m also proud that we have teens exploring their independence in positive ways. Instead of complaining about the direction teens are headed, let’s keep providing them with opportunities to develop into compassionate, hard-working adults.

Many Hands

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A decaying garage, piles of trash, and unruly trees towered over our team. After a long day of traveling by bus, we were eager to get to work, but this was a daunting task. We only had four days to get the job done.

A sweet man with a gray and white beard greeted us. He studied my husband and me and our small team of twelve teens. “I appreciate any help you can give, even if you can’t tear the whole garage down.”

We peaked inside the garage. It was full of rusted tools, broken lamps, discarded cook books, a guinea pig cage, and other forgotten items. Our new friend didn’t want to keep any of it. The dumpster hadn’t arrived yet, so we piled everything into a heap beside the garage. The teens all took turns pounding on the walls with sledge hammers, breaking off siding. Before we knew it, the garage tumbled to the ground.

Once the dumpster arrived, our team worked together to pull apart the garage and toss the wood, shingles, and discarded objects inside. We worked through a rain storm and ignored sore muscles. After less than two days, the garage was gone. The trash was gone. The trees were chopped. We were able to do bonus assignments on other houses in the neighborhood.

Our group of fourteen easily completed a task that was overwhelming for our friend. And get this—we actually had 102 teens and adults just from our church serving throughout the neighborhood at the same time. It gets even better. We were just a small part of One Heart Many Hands (https://oneheartmanyhands.com/). There were actually over 1,500 people serving in Indianapolis that week. Talk about making a difference!

One lesson I learned through it all, is that we don’t have to do it alone. Sometimes our journey through life will seem overwhelming, but we can lift each other up. An impossible situation can become manageable with the help of others. It’s okay to ask for help, and it feels wonderful to help people in need.

The teens from our group watched High School Musical on the drive home. Many of us groaned when it started playing, yet sat and watched it all. Now I have the lyrics from the final song stuck in my head: we’re all in this together.

So bring it on. With many hands, we can get it done.

New Release

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It is finished! My latest picture book, Meraki, is now available in paperback and ebook format on Amazon. You can also find video clips of Meraki on my website.

Meraki (may-rah-kee) is a Greek word that means to do something with soul, creativity, or love, putting something of yourself into what you are doing. The Meraki creatures I created will stay in a home or classroom as long as they aren’t overwhelmed with too much work. It’s up to kids to do their part so the Meraki will stay. The intent of the book is to provide a positive, entertaining way to remind kids to clean up after themselves and live in harmony.

The book’s target audience is children two to eight years old, but I may even read it to my teenagers when they somehow forget how to clean their room.

If you would like a Meraki to visit your home or classroom, you can go to my website to find free video clips (http://www.tamibrumbaugh.com/?page_id=60). There is a short introduction clip and several clips with Meraki dancing to various songs.

I love hearing your feedback on my books—especially through Amazon reviews. Happy reading!

Coming Soon: Meraki

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Do you ever wonder if your kids think they have personal maids or some magical creature that cleans up after them? I don’t know how many times I’ve told my children to clean up after themselves, only to have to repeat the message a few days later.

When I had toddlers, I thought I was being proactive by having them clean up their toys after playing. I made my preschool students pick up after themselves as well. My goal was to help kids become responsible, helpful people. Somehow, it still seems like a hard lesson to learn.

My reminders don’t always stick.
“Are you finished with that glass? Put it IN the dishwasher.”
“Your dirty clothes go IN the clothes hamper.”
“Do you remember where your shoes belong?”
How is it that a few days later, I’m tripping over more dishes, clothes, and shoes?

I’ve implemented reward systems, punishment (the trash bag collection approach seemed like such a great idea), and numerous other clever methods. Sometimes it helped for a few days, but I eventually reverted back to nagging. I often thought it would be helpful if I had a picture book with a cleaning message that I could read to my kid whenever needed, making reminders pleasant, not painful.

I’m starting a book series to fill the need. The first is coming out next week. It’s called Meraki. Meraki (may-rah-kee) is a Greek word that is intriguing to me. It means to do something with soul, creativity, or love, putting something of yourself into what you are doing. The Meraki creatures I created will stay as long as they aren’t overwhelmed with too much work. It’s up to kids to do their part so the Meraki will stay.

Body Language Blunders

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I crossed my arms and started rubbing them, trying to calm the goose bumps sprouting on my skin. If my jaws weren’t clamped tight they probably would have been chattering. A sweater would have been smart. And a coat. And a blanket. They should not let men in thick suits set the thermostat.

I tried to smile at the speaker, but guessed that it looked more like a grimace. My shoulder muscles tightened as I shivered. I pulled out my phone to check the time. Another hour until I could escape to my car and crank up the heat. I sighed. I’d looked forward to this conference, but I was too cold to focus.

Time crept by. After more periodic glances at my phone, I was relieved to hear the speaker make closing statements. I gathered my belongings and made a dash for the door.

“Tami, wait up!”

Drat. My heater would have to wait. I turned and plastered a smile on my face. “Hey. I’m glad you made it.”

“Me too. I wound up taking quite a few notes. Maybe you’ll enjoy the speaker more next time. Some people say you have to get used to his style.”

“What?” I rubbed my arms again. “The speaker was fine.”

“Oh. Well, it looked like you weren’t a fan. So will I see you tomorrow?”

“You bet.” I hustled to my car and waited impatiently for the heater to begin spurting warm air so I could thaw. My mind began replaying the conference, trying to find how I had given off the wrong vibe. My heart sank. In my struggle to endure the cold, I’d allowed my body language to send the wrong signals.

Here are 7 types of attentive body language that I will be careful to use in the future.

  1. Face the speaker
  2. Turn off technology
  3. Maintain eye contact
  4. Lean forward
  5. Keep arms uncrossed
  6. Smile or mirror the speaker’s facial expressions to show sympathy and empathy
  7. Nod occasionally

For the next conference, maybe I really will bring a blanket. I have a feeling the person setting the thermostat wasn’t attentive to my body language.

Listening & Deflated Bread

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My pumpkin bread recipe has fingerprints and batter splatters on it from years and years of use. I nearly have it memorized. But I have learned I can’t actively listen to someone and bake the sweat treat at the same time.

My guests often request pumpkin bread for breakfast, so during my brother-in-law’s most recent visit, I began measuring the flour and spices.  He chatted away, sitting on a bar stool in the kitchen. I contributed to the conversation and gave him as much eye contact as I could manage while stirring.

When I pulled the baked bread out of the oven, it resembled a deflated football. I scanned the recipe and realized I had forgotten the eggs. Ugh! I have since learned that my tired brain does better when I give people my undivided attention. I know this isn’t always possible because we have to cram so much into each day. Mom’s in particular have to become expert multi-taskers. But make every effort to truly focus on the speaker. It strengthens relationships because we are showing friends and family that we value what they are saying. (And because we don’t have to serve them pathetic-looking pumpkin bread.)

Here are 7 Ways to give your undivided attention:

  1. Put the devices away. Turn your phone face-down or in your pocket so you aren’t tempted to look at it. Close your laptop or turn away from your computer.
  2. Don’t multi-task. The long “to do” list can usually wait.
  3. Face the person who is speaking. It makes them feel important and helps you stay focused.
  4. Control your hands. Avoid doodling, playing with your hair, or fidgeting.
  5. Listen before speaking. Absorb what is being said instead of thinking about what you will say.
  6. Avoid interruptions. Silence your phone—including email and text alerts.
  7. Control your mind. Keep it from drifting to future plans or past events.

Promoting Patience

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Often just telling kids what we want them to learn goes in one ear and out the other. (Let’s be honest—it sometimes works that way for adults too—at least it does for me.) So here are a couple of helpful ways to get the patience concept stuck in the minds of our children.

Have your children bake a dessert with you. This activity opens up all sorts of patience discussion opportunities. If you choose to bake something with fruit (like an apple pie), you can talk about having to wait for fruit to ripen and what it tastes like if you are impatient and pick it too early. If your kids are not fans of desserts with fruit, then try baking cookies or something else they love. The idea is to create something they really want that requires steps to make and time to cook.

While your child helps you measure and mix, you can ask questions relating to patience. Why should we take the time to find the correct measuring cups or spoons? Why do we need to mix the batter or dough as long as we are told? What would happen if we didn’t wait for the oven to preheat?

Pull up chairs in front of the oven and turn on the oven’s light. Watch the dessert bake (unless it is a pie or dessert that takes far too long) and sing the chorus of the patience song I mentioned several blogs ago. (Here’s the link to the song if you need it.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kn6Z2Mop5I )

Discuss what would happen if we grew impatient and pulled out the dessert before the timer went off. Be sure to mention that if we are impatient and get frustrated while something bakes, it does not speed up the baking process. Tie your questions and discussion to your child’s life.

Another tool for teaching patience is a book I wrote several years ago when my kids were curious about the exoskeletons they found clinging to trees. After doing research, I learned that the exoskeletons belonged to the magi cicadas, which burrow underground for seventeen years. I knew they were perfect for a book about patience. You can find it on my website (www.TamiBrumbaugh.com ) or Buy it on Amazon.Paeshunt_sm

Description:  Burrow underground for seventeen years? A cicada named Paeshunt rejects the notion. He has the world to explore and bugs to see, and he wants to do it now. Several narrow escapes force him to examine his impulsive plan. With the help of his friends, he learns that life is much safer and sweeter when he is patient.

What About MY Life Plan?

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Waiting for major life events has always been a challenge for me. I am a planner, and when life doesn’t stick to my plan’s schedule, I struggle to find patience.

My life plan began well. I graduated from college, got married, and began my teaching career on schedule. The next step was to have my first child born in March of my fifth year of teaching, so that I could use the sick days I had accumulated (I never used a sick day up to that point) and then stay home to be a full time mom. I wanted to have one or two more kids soon afterwards.

But my life’s train jumped the track. Years of waiting, doctor visits, miscarriage, and heartbreak finally resulted in two beautiful kids. They arrived off schedule with unplanned detours. And while there are many painful days I do not care to relive, I look back and see that God used that time to help me grow.

Many years later, my life is taking another unexpected detour. The twists and turns I’ve struggled through lately have been confusing and exhausting. My patience is being stretched and I find myself questioning my God who has proved Himself over and over.

But who am I to think I had achieved patience mastery and no longer need to go through times of growth? My roots need to go deeper and my branches need to stretch higher. I think I need to know everything that is going on, but I don’t. I need patience. I need to trust God and prove that trust by refusing to worry. James 1:4 says, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

So I give my hopes and dreams to God, trusting that His ways and timing are better than my own. This is not easy, and I will need scripture to help me keep my hands off. Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” A favorite verse of mine is Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.” Another verse I will cling to is Habbukuk (yes, Habbukuk) 2:3. “But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!”

Here is to being patient with life events in the New Year! Work out what You will, when You will, God. I will wait on You.

7 Patience for the Moment Tips

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In our autism classroom, we have an average of six pages of individualized programming for each student to complete each day. It’s a rigorous program that yields life-changing results. We give the students short breaks with activities they may select. That sounds fair, right?

Sometimes the kids don’t want to work and they make sure we know it. Oh my. We’ve had some world-class tantrums. Our patience is stretched on a regular basis. Here are some tips that I’ve tested in the trenches that can help in almost any situation life throws at you.

  1. Call it out. Recognize your impatience for what it is. That sense of agitation bubbling deep in your stomach needs a name so you can deal with it before it grows.
  2. Breathe Deep. Take a deep breath, hold it five seconds, and exhale slowly. Do this at least three times, giving your frustration a chance to melt.
  3. Count to 10. Stop and count to 10 slowly (out loud or in your head). This gives you time for the initial impulse to do something reckless to lessen.
  4. Get Perspective. Something small might appear huge in the moment. Evaluate the situation to see if it will really have an impact in the long run.
  5. Laugh. Sometimes your frustrating situation is so ridiculous you just have to laugh about it and shake it off. It might make a good story some day.
  6. Empathize. Did someone really mean to irritate you? If so, why? Try reacting with understanding.
  7. Take a Time Out. If all else fails, take a break from the situation, even if it is only for a few minutes. Walk away and give yourself time to calm down and plan your words or actions.