Lessons Learned in the Autism Room: Overthinking

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Once the last crumbs from lunch are wiped away and sticky fingers are washed, the students in the Autism Room gather for stories and songs. They sit in chairs on a huge blue rug with an alphabet border—that is turned upside-down if the children obsess over the letters.

Wiggles are temporarily on hold IF the picture book read captures their interest. (And even then, we have at least one student who will have to be redirected to his chair repeatedly.) When the story is over, we present a laminated piece of construction paper that has song pictures attached with Velcro. Each child gets to pull off the picture of the song they want to sing.

One particular child chose the song If You’re Happy and You Know It. Remember that one? Yes, we still sing it. We began the song with the typical “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” complete with the clapping. We soon progressed to “if you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet”. We then asked our verbal kids for the next motion suggestion, expecting the usual “shout hooray” or add-ons such as “pat your head”. No one responded. We started the song again. “If you’re happy and you know it…” After a long pause, one of our students cocked his head to the side and said, “Smile.”

Well, yeah.

Sometimes a good answer is right in front of us. Why overthink it? I’m asking myself this question too because I tend to overthink everything. It’s enough to drive me (and my husband) crazy. My decision-making process can be long and stressful, often leading to analysis paralysis.

What can we do about overthinking? I’m going to start by asking myself, “Is this going to matter next month or next year?” If the answer is “not really” then I’ll give myself one minute to stop my brain wheels from spinning. If the answer is “yes” then I’ll allow ten minutes, but then remind myself that I can’t control everything and it’s time to let it go for the day. It’s worth trying.

So thank you for the reminder, little friend. And when I’m happy and I know it I will smile.

Lessons Learned in the Autism Room: Hug Healing

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One of our little boys in the Autism Room hugs so hard I fear my ribs could crack. He wraps his arms around my neck and his legs around my belly and squeezes with every ounce of strength he possesses until his limbs actually shake from the effort. Do I mind? Not at all.

If it was possible to do his lessons and routines in this position I would let him hug all day. Why? Because his body becomes over-stimulated and his muscles are extremely tight, so the hugging pressure helps him relax. Sometimes we attempt wrapping him in a compression vest (a vest made from lightweight neoprene that fits tightly around his upper body), but that can only be for a short period of time, and while some of his peers enjoy it, he does NOT. If we manage to get the Velcro sides in place (not an easy task on a squirming, protesting child) he will still take it right off unless we cover it with a paint shirt. We also try rhythmically compressing his arms, legs, fingers, and shoulders one joint at a time. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to mind this process. Another technique we sometimes try is letting him push his way through the Squeeze Machine (sets of rollers a child crawls through that make him feel squeezed like he’s being wrung through a clothes ringer) in the occupational therapy room. All of these methods help, but hugs are a clear winner.

My small friend has taught me the power of a really good hug. I’m not talking the token side hug or the three pats on the back (though these are better than nothing). I mean a good heart to heart squeeze. Virginia Satir, a family therapist, says, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

Here are 7 benefits of a good hug:

  1. Hugs relax muscles and release tension
  2. Hugs boost oxytocin levels, easing feelings of loneliness and anger
  3. Hugs build trust and a sense of safety
  4. Hugs boost self-esteem
  5. Hugs increase serotonin levels, increasing happiness
  6. Hugs help us be present in the moment
  7. Hugs teach us to give and receive

I give lots of hugs in the Autism Room, but when I walk out the door, my hug quota drops significantly. My goal is to increase my hug quality and quantity. Do you need a hug?

Lessons Learned in the Autism Room: Accept Differences

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Before entering the Autism Room, I tried to prepare by immersing myself in books and articles on autism. I knew a few people on the autism spectrum, but their world was still a mystery to me. I filed common characteristics and relating strategies listed by experts into my mental toolbox, and approached the classroom door.

Screaming greeted me. I hesitated. It’s not like I expected silence, but my heart still began beating faster. I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

Three little boys sat in plastic chairs around a circular table munching on cereal bars. One boy pushed a match box car along a track and yelled when a second boy ventured too close to his car hoard. Another boy screamed when his tower of blocks toppled over. Yet another boy sat quietly in his chair while a teacher encouraged him to play. The lone girl was bouncing between toys every thirty seconds.

The teachers patiently explained the individualized programming for each child, and showed me how to collect daily data. After a brief circle time, we each guided our assigned student to his (or her) station.

My first student was a sweet boy with big blue eyes, spiked brown hair, and a beautiful smile. He was nonverbal and moved at his own (slow) pace. We worked on matching, motor imitation, and receptive identification. Whenever I sensed he was losing focus or becoming agitated, we would use PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) and he would select a rewarding activity. He often chose a school supply magazine, as he was fascinated with looking at the fine print. He loved hugs and I loved giving them, so we were a good match.

Normally the teachers rotate students every Friday, but they were kind and let me stay with the same student for two weeks. There was a huge learning curve, but soon I felt like I was catching on.

That changed when I was assigned the next student. He was becoming verbal and had an entirely different program. He learned quickly and needed to be asked questions at a fast pace. I constantly had to remove items he managed to spin. His sensory breaks were more challenging because looking at a magazine or book usually did not interest him. He did not like hugs, and would cringe at physical contact as he was afraid of being shocked.

Every time we rotated students, I felt like I was starting a new job. Each child was so different from the others. Now I understood what Dr. Stephen Shore meant when he said, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”

Working with extreme differences has taught me to be more accepting of differences in others and in myself. We all have attributes of interest and value and aren’t going to fit the same mold. We should encourage each other to reach our full potential and be a blessing to others—in whatever shape that may take.

New Release

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It is finished! My latest picture book, Meraki, is now available in paperback and ebook format on Amazon. You can also find video clips of Meraki on my website.

Meraki (may-rah-kee) is a Greek word that means to do something with soul, creativity, or love, putting something of yourself into what you are doing. The Meraki creatures I created will stay in a home or classroom as long as they aren’t overwhelmed with too much work. It’s up to kids to do their part so the Meraki will stay. The intent of the book is to provide a positive, entertaining way to remind kids to clean up after themselves and live in harmony.

The book’s target audience is children two to eight years old, but I may even read it to my teenagers when they somehow forget how to clean their room.

If you would like a Meraki to visit your home or classroom, you can go to my website to find free video clips (http://www.tamibrumbaugh.com/?page_id=60). There is a short introduction clip and several clips with Meraki dancing to various songs.

I love hearing your feedback on my books—especially through Amazon reviews. Happy reading!

Coming Soon: Meraki

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Do you ever wonder if your kids think they have personal maids or some magical creature that cleans up after them? I don’t know how many times I’ve told my children to clean up after themselves, only to have to repeat the message a few days later.

When I had toddlers, I thought I was being proactive by having them clean up their toys after playing. I made my preschool students pick up after themselves as well. My goal was to help kids become responsible, helpful people. Somehow, it still seems like a hard lesson to learn.

My reminders don’t always stick.
“Are you finished with that glass? Put it IN the dishwasher.”
“Your dirty clothes go IN the clothes hamper.”
“Do you remember where your shoes belong?”
How is it that a few days later, I’m tripping over more dishes, clothes, and shoes?

I’ve implemented reward systems, punishment (the trash bag collection approach seemed like such a great idea), and numerous other clever methods. Sometimes it helped for a few days, but I eventually reverted back to nagging. I often thought it would be helpful if I had a picture book with a cleaning message that I could read to my kid whenever needed, making reminders pleasant, not painful.

I’m starting a book series to fill the need. The first is coming out next week. It’s called Meraki. Meraki (may-rah-kee) is a Greek word that is intriguing to me. It means to do something with soul, creativity, or love, putting something of yourself into what you are doing. The Meraki creatures I created will stay as long as they aren’t overwhelmed with too much work. It’s up to kids to do their part so the Meraki will stay.

Gushing From Your Mouth

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I know I shared a poem in my last blog, but I have one more poem to wrap up the time we’ve spent on active listening.  Maybe it will help you remember to use body language to show you’re listening. Active listening is truly a gift we can give to show others they are valued and we care.

LISTEN
©Tami Brumbaugh

Usually your quick wit is captivating
Gushing from your mouth like a compelling waterfall
I smile, eager to be pulled into the current

Often your words are soothing
Showering my parched soul with much needed rain
I uncross my arms, grateful to soak in every drop

Sometimes your discussion is informative
Spouting like a fountain of knowledge
I lean forward, inspired to dip my bucket for future use

Occasionally your chatter is repetitious
Flowing endlessly like a faucet with no shut-off valve
I nod, saturated but wringing out my clothes to take in more

Sporadically you complain or vent
Spewing unchecked from a broken pipe
I mirror your expression, sopping wet but determined to endure the storm

Through it all
You are worthy of my full attention
The world can wait
So let the words flow
I will listen

Interrupted

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Have you ever been interrupted? If not, I must admit I’m in shock. If so, I know all too well how that feels. Usually we can just blow it off and move on, but repeated interruptions are discouraging. Here is a short poem I wrote after an interruption that stung. Maybe this will provide words for you to vent about interruption frustrations as well. I hope it will also be a reminder for us to be careful not to interrupt others. Although interruptions are seldom intentional, they can still cause pain.

INTERRUPTED
©Tami Brumbaugh

I was mid-sentence
But you didn’t notice.
The remaining words
Toppled from my lips to the floor
Trampled by your dominant speech.

Experience kept my smile in place.
I swept my disappointment
Under the floor boards
But felt insignificance crawl out
And consume me.

I will listen to your story
And file mine away
But a stuffed drawer may cease to open.

Interrupting people seems so innocent. We sometimes do it without even noticing. At best it annoys others, but it can also hurt people—especially if it happens frequently.  With a little effort we can avoid interrupting (refer back to my post from February 21st—Listen to ME) and become an active listener.

Chicken Volcano

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Can you imagine a world where all of us were active listeners and we never interrupted each other? Interrupting is a hard habit to break, so it’s worth the effort to teach our children and students not to interrupt before those bad habits develop.

I found two children’s books that communicate the non-interrupting message, but have great illustrations and are fun to read. Maybe you can use them in your home or classroom.

The first is Interrupting Chicken by David Ezra Stein. It received a Caldecott Honor in 2011. This picture book is about story time in a chicken household. Papa reminds his little chick not to interrupt, but she can’t help herself. She jumps in on every familiar fairy tale he reads, trying to save the characters from doing something dangerous or silly. When it’s finally the chick’s turn to tell a story, Papa does his own kind of interrupting.

A second helpful book is My Mouth is a Volcano written by Julia Cook and illustrated by Carrie Hartman. A little boy named Louis has thoughts that just erupt out of his mouth, interrupting others. He learns a technique to capture his thoughts and respect others by listening and waiting for his turn to speak.

Reading books like these about interrupting may make a longer-lasting impression than a lecture alone. You may need to read them over and over, but you’re developing a mindset that friends and family will appreciate for years to come. (And soon you may be able to get through each book without being interrupted!)

Jotting Notes

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Active listening is all about keying in to the speaker and letting him or her feel like you value what they are saying. You can practice active listening anywhere and in any relationship. During this blog series, I talked about active listening on several fronts. I found this post the other day and thought maybe you or someone you know can relate to it.

 

 

Mmm Hmm

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One of the greatest gifts we can give to each other is to be an active listener. When I walk away from a conversation knowing that I was truly heard, I feel valued and my confidence grows. If I was having a dark day, it becomes brighter.

When my teenagers talk to me, I can chose to give distracted, small effort answers, or make a concerted effort to show that I’m listening. My choice influences whether they continue to open up to me. All too soon they will graduate and move out on their own. I want to make the most of our conversations. While I’m at it, I will strive to become a better listener when communicating with people of every age. Care to join me?

Here are 7 verbal active listening skills:

  1. Give verbal reinforcement
    “Yes,” “Mmm hmm”
  1. Reflect by paraphrasing
    “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…”
  1. Attempt summarizing
    Take main points of the message and reiterate them in a clear way
  1. Ask questions for clarification
    “What do you mean when you say…” and “Is this what you mean?”
  1. Respond respectfully
    Be open and honest. If you need to give your opinion, do it respectfully.
  1. Remember key points
    Bring them up in future conversations
  1. Attribute their ideas when speaking to others
    “Actually, I heard _____ say it. She’s so clever!”