Tag Archives: fair

Positive Attitude Action Plan

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After 16 weeks of striving to develop a positive attitude, I’ve found that it still doesn’t come easily, but it is coming easier. I hope it’s easier for you to be positive as well. If you missed any of my blogs on the subject, please refer back to my website at www.TamiBrumbaugh.com.

Here is a review of the main points we practiced and my plan for keeping it going.

  1. Stop the stinking thinking. You have control over your thoughts. Catch them before they get off track and send you into a spiral. MY PLAN: When a negative thought pops into my head I realize it, grab it, and tell myself to be done with it.
  2. Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Count your blessings. What are you thankful for? MY PLAN: My family and I are still writing blessings on small pieces of paper and placing them into our Blessing Jar. We will read them on Thanksgiving.
  3. Accept that life isn’t fair and move on. God will help you through it. MY PLAN: I will remember that fair doesn’t mean equal, and that comparing myself to others will only make me unhappy.
  4. Get exercise. Release those endorphins. A workout or a walk outside can do wonders. MY PLAN: In addition to my regular walks and workouts, I am still doing yoga moves whenever I have a spare moment.
  5. Find a way to help others. It gets your mind off yourself. MY PLAN: I refer back to the list of 30 ways to focus on others whenever I am struggling for ideas.
  6. Stop whining and complaining. It brings others down. MY PLAN: I use the Complaint Vent Journal when I need to whine a bit.
  7. Pump in the good. Listen to positive music. Read a positive book. Talk to a positive person. Pray. MY PLAN: I’ve put the 25 songs with positive messages on my phone, and hope to add more as I stumble across them.

For those of you who have mastered all seven suggestions, God bless you. For the rest of us mere mortals, keep striving. With continual effort, we can become positive people.

Fair Band-Aids

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“Life isn’t fair!”

We’ve all heard it. We’ve probably all said it. Last week, I shared the thought that fair doesn’t mean equal. Modeling this concept with consistency is a great way to communicate this message to your kids or students, but what if they still don’t seem to understand? An idea that was posted repeatedly on Pinterist caught my attention. All that you will need is some band-aids and a little time.

Have your kids or students close their eyes and imagine that they have an injury somewhere on their body. Ask them to tell you where the pretend injury is. Place a band-aid on the back of their hand without explanation. The kids will probably be confused. If the injury was on my leg, why did you put the band-aid on my hand? Hopefully they will make one of their frequent comments about it not being fair.

Ask the kids how it wasn’t fair, since everyone got a band-aid. Guide them in a discussion about how the band-aid wasn’t helpful unless it was where they needed it. Fair isn’t when everyone gets the same thing. It’s when everyone gets what they need. Emphasize that comparing ourselves to others will only make us unhappy. Someone else is always going to have better clothes or the latest device that we want. (Or in our lives as adults, a bigger house, or a better job.) We need to appreciate and make the most of what we have.

A book for middle grade readers that I wrote several years ago may help children when life Sandstone Cactus Cover_FINALseems unfair. It shares the story of a Navajo girl who spent years working toward owning a horse of her own. Just when her dream is within her grasp, disaster strikes, and the pinto filly she earned goes to someone else. So unfair! She struggles with the choice to persevere and grow or withdraw and wither.

Now you have a couple tools to combat the “life isn’t fair” episode. Let’s see if the concept gets stuck in our child’s brain—and in our own.

Fair Isn’t Always Equal

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Have you ever been caught in the “keeping life fair” whirlpool? It’s exhausting.

As a parent, I want to be fair and try to keep everything equal for my kids. At Christmas, I make sure my kids have the same number of presents to open, and that the grand total of the presents is the same. I follow the clever bit of advice about having one child split a treat, and the other child choosing the half they want.

When I taught music, I was careful to make sure everyone got to play an instrument and had a special part in a musical. I recorded every time a student got to lead the class in movement to a song by our Composer of the Month.

No matter what I tried, there were times where my kids or students would still declare, “That’s not fair!

And then I began to evaluate what it really meant to be fair. After reading books and articles, I came to realize that fair does not necessarily mean equal. Being fair is more about doing what each child needs at that time. Sometimes this means delayed gratification.

If one of my kids has outgrown her shoes, do I need to take both kids shoe shopping? No. My other child can wait until her own shoes are too small. Do I hear complaints about this? Sometimes, but it’s becoming less common.

If I give the largest xylophone to a student with fine motor skill challenges, do I have to make sure everyone else gets a turn on that same instrument? No. They can play on different instruments. Will they complain? At first, but the ability to wait or deal with disappointment builds over time.

We need to teach kids that our life isn’t about everything being equal. If they fixate on comparing what they have with what someone else has, they will be depressed. (Let’s be real—this is something we struggle with as adults, too.) We need to make the most out of our situation, and then be happy with the life we have, whether it’s equal or not.

I’m ready to escape the “keeping life fair” whirlpool. Good thing it doesn’t actually require swimming skills, because Lord help me, I’d drown.