Tag Archives: patience

Patience–A Poem

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PATIENCE
©Tami Brumbaugh

Still waiting.
How long has it been?
I’m restless,
Longing for resolution.
Trapped on a vague journey
With the Road stretching endlessly before me
More of the same behind.
Patience.
I need it, but the unknown
Seeps like fog over the windows
Obscuring my view.
I fidget, trying to make sense of it all.
My sleeve swipes the glass,
But still the future is unclear.
Why doesn’t the map direct my way?
Where is the crisp British voice
Mispronouncing street names,
But telling me turns to make.
I inspect my rearview mirror.
It’s exploding with past expectations and errors,
And can’t be adjusted.
The future and past swirl,
Forcing bouts of car-sickness.
Patience.
I should display it, but instead
I hoist myself into the driver’s seat
And accelerate
Hoping to reach my destination more rapidly.
The scenery barely changes
Mile markers show time passing
But I’m no closer to my goal.
No more.
I yank on the wheel
And jab random buttons on the dashboard.
The car careens through detours and wrong turns and plunges into a ditch.
You let me rant and flail my arms
Until exhausted I crawl back into the passenger side
And buckle the seat belt.
Bruised.
Exhausted.
With skilled hands You guide the car back onto the Road.
No reprimands.
No truckload of guilt.
I wait hopefully,
Curious to see where You drive.
I tighten the seat belt to restrain my arms
So I can focus on enjoying You and the ride.
Your deep, quiet voice
Soothes my soul.
Have you been talking all along?
The side windows clear,
Revealing other drivers,
Pedestrians strolling on sidewalks,
Maple branches swaying,
Clouds drifting in pastel-painted skies.
Resolution will come in time.
Until then I will trust.
I will lean back in my seat and practice
Patience.

Promoting Patience

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Often just telling kids what we want them to learn goes in one ear and out the other. (Let’s be honest—it sometimes works that way for adults too—at least it does for me.) So here are a couple of helpful ways to get the patience concept stuck in the minds of our children.

Have your children bake a dessert with you. This activity opens up all sorts of patience discussion opportunities. If you choose to bake something with fruit (like an apple pie), you can talk about having to wait for fruit to ripen and what it tastes like if you are impatient and pick it too early. If your kids are not fans of desserts with fruit, then try baking cookies or something else they love. The idea is to create something they really want that requires steps to make and time to cook.

While your child helps you measure and mix, you can ask questions relating to patience. Why should we take the time to find the correct measuring cups or spoons? Why do we need to mix the batter or dough as long as we are told? What would happen if we didn’t wait for the oven to preheat?

Pull up chairs in front of the oven and turn on the oven’s light. Watch the dessert bake (unless it is a pie or dessert that takes far too long) and sing the chorus of the patience song I mentioned several blogs ago. (Here’s the link to the song if you need it.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kn6Z2Mop5I )

Discuss what would happen if we grew impatient and pulled out the dessert before the timer went off. Be sure to mention that if we are impatient and get frustrated while something bakes, it does not speed up the baking process. Tie your questions and discussion to your child’s life.

Another tool for teaching patience is a book I wrote several years ago when my kids were curious about the exoskeletons they found clinging to trees. After doing research, I learned that the exoskeletons belonged to the magi cicadas, which burrow underground for seventeen years. I knew they were perfect for a book about patience. You can find it on my website (www.TamiBrumbaugh.com ) or Buy it on Amazon.Paeshunt_sm

Description:  Burrow underground for seventeen years? A cicada named Paeshunt rejects the notion. He has the world to explore and bugs to see, and he wants to do it now. Several narrow escapes force him to examine his impulsive plan. With the help of his friends, he learns that life is much safer and sweeter when he is patient.

What About MY Life Plan?

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Waiting for major life events has always been a challenge for me. I am a planner, and when life doesn’t stick to my plan’s schedule, I struggle to find patience.

My life plan began well. I graduated from college, got married, and began my teaching career on schedule. The next step was to have my first child born in March of my fifth year of teaching, so that I could use the sick days I had accumulated (I never used a sick day up to that point) and then stay home to be a full time mom. I wanted to have one or two more kids soon afterwards.

But my life’s train jumped the track. Years of waiting, doctor visits, miscarriage, and heartbreak finally resulted in two beautiful kids. They arrived off schedule with unplanned detours. And while there are many painful days I do not care to relive, I look back and see that God used that time to help me grow.

Many years later, my life is taking another unexpected detour. The twists and turns I’ve struggled through lately have been confusing and exhausting. My patience is being stretched and I find myself questioning my God who has proved Himself over and over.

But who am I to think I had achieved patience mastery and no longer need to go through times of growth? My roots need to go deeper and my branches need to stretch higher. I think I need to know everything that is going on, but I don’t. I need patience. I need to trust God and prove that trust by refusing to worry. James 1:4 says, “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

So I give my hopes and dreams to God, trusting that His ways and timing are better than my own. This is not easy, and I will need scripture to help me keep my hands off. Proverbs 16:9 says, “A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” A favorite verse of mine is Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.” Another verse I will cling to is Habbukuk (yes, Habbukuk) 2:3. “But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!”

Here is to being patient with life events in the New Year! Work out what You will, when You will, God. I will wait on You.

How to Develop Patience for the Long Haul

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Life has a way of forcing us to be more patient. Sometimes it’s through minor things like long lines in a store or heavy traffic. Sometimes it’s through major events like waiting for the right job to open up or health to improve. Waiting for major life events is when my impatience beast goes on a rampage. Rarely does everything come when we want it.

Sometimes life lessons aren’t enough and we are still impatient. Eknath Easwaran said, “Patience can’t be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.” Here are seven ways to help build patience.

  1. Identify Triggers. Question why you are feeling impatient about a situation or a person and what triggered those feelings.
  2. Slow Down. When you find yourself unable to wait for things to take their natural course, take a few deep breaths before you act or make a move.
  3. Practice Delayed Gratification. When eating or shopping, stop and think about whether you really need that dessert or another pair of shoes.
  4. Make Patience your Goal for the Day. Concentrate on living in the moment and taking your time for an entire day. Evaluate whether your choices benefitted from the extra time and thought invested.
  5. Think Before you Speak. Pause and think about what you want to say instead of blurting out the first thing that pops into your head.
  6. Loosen Up. When you find yourself in a situation that tries your patience, perform a quick body check to see if there are areas that are tight and tense. Try to relax or message out the tension.
  7. Be Patient with Yourself. Don’t expect immediate results. Understand that developing patience is a process and you are taking steps in the right direction.

7 Patience for the Moment Tips

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In our autism classroom, we have an average of six pages of individualized programming for each student to complete each day. It’s a rigorous program that yields life-changing results. We give the students short breaks with activities they may select. That sounds fair, right?

Sometimes the kids don’t want to work and they make sure we know it. Oh my. We’ve had some world-class tantrums. Our patience is stretched on a regular basis. Here are some tips that I’ve tested in the trenches that can help in almost any situation life throws at you.

  1. Call it out. Recognize your impatience for what it is. That sense of agitation bubbling deep in your stomach needs a name so you can deal with it before it grows.
  2. Breathe Deep. Take a deep breath, hold it five seconds, and exhale slowly. Do this at least three times, giving your frustration a chance to melt.
  3. Count to 10. Stop and count to 10 slowly (out loud or in your head). This gives you time for the initial impulse to do something reckless to lessen.
  4. Get Perspective. Something small might appear huge in the moment. Evaluate the situation to see if it will really have an impact in the long run.
  5. Laugh. Sometimes your frustrating situation is so ridiculous you just have to laugh about it and shake it off. It might make a good story some day.
  6. Empathize. Did someone really mean to irritate you? If so, why? Try reacting with understanding.
  7. Take a Time Out. If all else fails, take a break from the situation, even if it is only for a few minutes. Walk away and give yourself time to calm down and plan your words or actions.

No Wonder Patience is Hard

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Tortoise and hare

During my music teacher years, one of the musicals my students performed was called “Bebop with Aesop.” We sang about and enacted many of Aesop’s fables, but the story most people recognized was about the tortoise and the hare. The cocky hare challenges the tortoise to a race, but after a spurt of energy, falls asleep. In the end the constant plodding of the tortoise helps it cross the finish line first. Sound familiar?

The pace of our world keeps increasing. We seem to be forced into the harried hare role, racing against the clock and our competitors. We scramble and rush through our days, barely taking time to breathe, let alone notice or enjoy our surroundings. We are burdened with the pressure to do great things and advance our materialistic culture.

Instant gratification is our society’s selling point. We want high- speed internet. Fast food. Instant mashed potatoes.  Why spend days reading a book when we can watch the movie version in just over an hour? Drive? I would much rather fly. We get it, use it, and throw it away. It’s no wonder we have a hard time developing patience.

In Aesop’s story, the tortoise is the one who wins the race. He wasn’t fast or flashy. He just had patience. With patience and persistence you can achieve almost anything.

Being a hare for so long has worn me out. I want to try to experience life as a tortoise.

I will still have to meet the demands of life. I can’t ditch my job or toss out my responsibilities as a mom or wife. I still have goals to reach and dreams to fulfill. My phase of life will keep me constantly moving, but I want to go at a more natural pace. I want to be patient with myself and others, enjoying the journey.

Forgive me if I occasionally tell you “no”. I can’t do it all. Feel free to tell me “no” when needed in return. Be patient with me if I don’t complete a non-urgent request the very same day. I will be patient with your time table as well. Everything doesn’t have to be done instantly. If I write a little each day, that book will be completed. If I practice a bit as often as I can, that skill will be learned.

What good are we if we push so hard, we can’t finish the race? I’m giving myself permission to breathe and enjoy. Society can race by if it must, but as for me, there are times when I need to be the tortoise. You are welcome to join me on the (slightly slower) journey.

7 Patience Benefits

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The first thing that pops into my head when I hear someone mention “patience” is a song I learned as a little kid. It was on the “Music Machine” record (yes—a record) and featured Herbert the Snail. Maybe you learned it, too.

patience-herbert-the-snail-picBe patient, be patient
Don’t be in such a hurry
When you get impatient
You only start to worry.
Remember, remember
That God is patient, too
And think of all the times
When others have to wait for you.

Many songs have come and go, but this one stuck with me all of these years. I taught it to my own kids, and to many students when I was a preschool teacher. There are certainly many benefits in developing patience. Here are my top seven:

  1. Reduces Stress and Increases Happiness. When you practice patience you are more in control of your emotions and in a better position to deal with difficult situations.
  2. Helps You Meet Goals. Anything worthwhile requires time and effort. Patience helps you keep striving toward your goal.
  3. Results in better decision-making. The chances of making a big mistake lessen with patience because you take time to see the big picture and weigh the pros and cons.
  4. Gives You a Social Advantage. While others explode and cause a scene, patience allows you to remain cool and calm.
  5. Helps develop empathy and compassion.Patience allows you time to process what others are going through and think about how to help them.
  6. Changes your perspective. Patience helps you see trials as ways to grow instead of just useless pain. You’re building mental muscle.
  7. Changes the world. Modeling patience has potential to create a new generation of patient people. Imagine a world where we don’t attack each other over insignificant issues.

My childhood records disappeared years ago, but Herbert the Snail’s message lives on. Spending time developing patience is certainly worth our time.

How Patient Are You?

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Are you a patient person?

Some of us are born with a longer fuse than others, but we all have our limits. Is it possible to lengthen that fuse and expand our limits? Why is patience important? I’ll be exploring answers to these questions during the next chapter in my character quest.

So, back to my first question. How patient are you?

You probably have a general idea, but it might be helpful to get an unbiased assessment. Feel free to ask others, but be prepared in case the truth hurts. Another option is to take a patience quiz. There are numerous free quizzes available on line. I tried quite a few. One that was short (only 10 questions) and interesting was:

http://quizlady.com/how-patient-are-you/?r=2q360

Here’s another one that is decent for teens (and only 12 questions):

http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_patient_are_you_5

These aren’t deep quizzes, but they’re helpful  getting us to take a closer look at ourselves.

I’ve found I’m patient with day –to –day living, but struggle staying patient with major life events. I can hold my tongue when someone is rude, wait in lines without being whiney, and work hard for something that doesn’t pay off right away. Goodness knows, my job also requires a truckload of patience. I love the autistic students I work with—I really do—but I constantly have to remain calm when they throw tantrums. I have to patiently model correct responses while they scream, kick, and hit, reminding myself that their senses are on overload and they don’t naturally know how to release their frustration. By the end of each day, I am completely exhausted from the effort. Patient? Yes, I have to be patient. But when it comes to life events, I struggle to wait. I’m a planner and it drove me crazy when my kids were born years off schedule. It’s so hard for me to just wait to see what the future holds. A hazy career path is torture.

Do we just have to accept our current patience level? I don’t think so. Stick with me over the next few weeks, and we’ll see if we can lengthen that fuse and expand our limits.