When kids are little, moms are amazing. During my kids’ first decade of life, I was always in high demand. I was recruited to squeeze play-doh out of a plastic pony whenever it got stuck, drink luke-warm water out of tea cups, and blow soap bubbles in the wind. If they had questions, they came to me, trusting I had the answers. They pretended to be me, wearing my shoes, and copying what I said and did.

When kids are teens, moms start losing brain cells. During my kids’ second decade of life, I’m occasionally needed. I’m recruited to drive them wherever they need to go, watch their games and music programs, and help them paint their room (yet again). If they have questions, they sometimes come to me, but they aren’t sure I always have the answers they want. They stopped pretending to be me, outgrew my shoes, and often copy what their friends say and do.

And yet—I still see them reflect some of my character traits. Usually that’s a good thing, as I’m a decent person, but sometimes I see an attitude that mirrors mine that makes me cringe.

“That picture makes me look horrible. Delete it,” said my youngest teen.

“You look great,” I replied.

“No, I don’t. I look like I swallowed a tire and my hair is sprouting wings.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re beautiful,” I said. (Encouraging, right?)

“Like you aren’t hard on yourself?”

Crud. And just like that, my good mom points dipped back down. If I’m going to help my kids develop positive traits, I need to make sure I’m being the best role model I can be. As I explore character traits, I will approach it from how to strengthen traits in all of us, and then search for methods and books that will help us get those traits ingrained in our kids.

Time to get the paint roller. This time we’re going oasis blue.