Tag Archives: positive attitude

Unbidden

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Strip away the facts and advice that we’ve covered over the last few months. Here are my deepest thoughts on my character quest for a positive attitude.

UNBIDDEN
©Tami Brumbaugh

Unbidden
Dreary thoughts creep through open windows
Innocent-looking pests
Needing a place to rest
I’m a reluctant host
But offer them a room.
“Just for the night,” I state.
They unpack their bags overflowing with discontent, comparisons, and injustice
Burrowing

Unwelcome
Depressing thoughts awaken and slither from their beds
Disguised pests
Now wanting food to eat
I’m a hesitant host
But seat them at my table
“Just one meal,” I say.
They nibble at my tranquility, and sneak second helpings of my joy
Devouring

Unwanted
Dismal thoughts stalk from the table
Concerning pests
Demanding entertainment
I’m an accommodating host
And share my deepest desires
“Just don’t get too comfortable,” I beg.
They kick off their shoes, splattering mud on my hopes and dreams
Wrecking

“Just wait a minute,” I protest.
“You don’t own this place. It’s time for you to leave.”
Their façade drops to the floor like empty promises
They snarl and sprout tentacles that latch onto my soul
Siphoning

“Just try to make us,” they taunt.
They hang my disappointments under bright lights and read them to me one by one
I turn away in agony, but they pursue
Shoving my failures into my face with such force I fall backwards
Banging my head against the wall
Bleeding

Unnerved
I retreat to my room
Locking the door and turning off the light
I curl into a ball on the floor
Wallowing in misery
Letting the happiness drain from my wound unchecked
Depression seeps under the door
Saturating my socks and creeping up to my heart
I watch in horrified fascination
My arms hanging limp at my sides
Useless appendages failing to come to my aid
Drowning

Unexpected
Encouraging refrains of a song tap at the window
Subtle words
Eager to soothe
I’m a wounded host
Unable to offer them a room
“Just let me fade,” I cry.
They mop up the depression and bandage my wounds with peace
Healing

Undeserved
Uplifting refrains turn on the lights and point out my blessings
Reflective words
Reminding me of the good
I’m a cautious host
And uncoil from my ball.
“Just help me up,” I plead.
They grasp my hands and pull me to my feet, offering a shoulder to lean on.
Strengthening

Unconditional
Inspiring refrains steer my eyes off myself so I can see others
Optimistic words
Reminding me of my purpose
I’m an invigorated host.
And throw open the room’s door
“Just watch me now,” I exclaim.
I chase the destructive thoughts out of my mind, spraying air freshener to remove their stench.
Growing

When the destructive thoughts return
Pounding at the door with calloused fists
I will point to my ‘No Soliciting’ sign
The sullen pests may yell and threaten
But they are banished
Undone
Drowned out by illuminating refrains
Affirmative words from songs, scripture, supporters
Feeding my soul
Bidden
Welcome
Wanted

Positive Attitude Action Plan

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After 16 weeks of striving to develop a positive attitude, I’ve found that it still doesn’t come easily, but it is coming easier. I hope it’s easier for you to be positive as well. If you missed any of my blogs on the subject, please refer back to my website at www.TamiBrumbaugh.com.

Here is a review of the main points we practiced and my plan for keeping it going.

  1. Stop the stinking thinking. You have control over your thoughts. Catch them before they get off track and send you into a spiral. MY PLAN: When a negative thought pops into my head I realize it, grab it, and tell myself to be done with it.
  2. Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Count your blessings. What are you thankful for? MY PLAN: My family and I are still writing blessings on small pieces of paper and placing them into our Blessing Jar. We will read them on Thanksgiving.
  3. Accept that life isn’t fair and move on. God will help you through it. MY PLAN: I will remember that fair doesn’t mean equal, and that comparing myself to others will only make me unhappy.
  4. Get exercise. Release those endorphins. A workout or a walk outside can do wonders. MY PLAN: In addition to my regular walks and workouts, I am still doing yoga moves whenever I have a spare moment.
  5. Find a way to help others. It gets your mind off yourself. MY PLAN: I refer back to the list of 30 ways to focus on others whenever I am struggling for ideas.
  6. Stop whining and complaining. It brings others down. MY PLAN: I use the Complaint Vent Journal when I need to whine a bit.
  7. Pump in the good. Listen to positive music. Read a positive book. Talk to a positive person. Pray. MY PLAN: I’ve put the 25 songs with positive messages on my phone, and hope to add more as I stumble across them.

For those of you who have mastered all seven suggestions, God bless you. For the rest of us mere mortals, keep striving. With continual effort, we can become positive people.

25 Songs to Get Stuck in Your Head

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Have you ever had lyrics to a song get stuck in your head…all day…sometimes even at night? I have. Often it’s little kid songs from my time in the classroom. “Five Little Monkeys” and “Wheels on the Bus” are hard to shake.

What an easy and powerful way to get positive messages to permeate your brain. An uplifting song filling my car on the way to work helps me get the day off to a good start. Positive songs can also help our kids. Instead of listening to songs about depression, money, drugs, and sex, they can pump in music with encouraging messages. Our lectures may often go in one ear and out the other, but a good song is likely to stay in their minds and percolate.

Here is a list of songs in a variety of styles (some old, some new) with positive messages that are worthy of being stuck in our heads.

  1. “Beautiful Day” by U2
  2. “Brave” by Sara Bareilles
  3. “Stronger” (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
  4. “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong
  5. “Best Day of My Life” by American Authors
  6. “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield
  7. “Happy” by Pharrell Williams
  8. “All You Need is Love” by The Beatles
  9. “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley
  10. “Who Says” by Selena Gomez & The Scene
  11. “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera
  12. “Don’t You Worry Child” by Swedish House Mafia
  13. “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey
  14. “Skyscraper” by Demi Lovato
  15. “Crazy Dreams” by Carrie Underwood
  16. “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten
  17. “Stronger” by Mandisa
  18. “Get Back Up” by Toby Mac
  19. “Gold” by Britt Nicole
  20. “Free to Be Me” by Francesca Battistelli
  21. “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield
  22. “It’s a Beautiful Day” by Jamie Grace
  23. “Move” by Mercy Me
  24. “Strong Enough” by Matthew West
  25. “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and The Waves

Pump in the Good

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Chain reaction tantrums in the autism classroom can be overwhelming. There are times where one child’s screams can set off even the calmest classmate and it’s hard to regain instructional control. When the tension is mounting, we dim the lights and turn on the music. Soothing melodies mingle with the yelling until eventually the cries diminish and peace is restored.

After being a music teacher and a private piano teacher for many years, I’ve witnessed and experienced the influence of music. But the power of music is also based on fact. Studies show that soothing music helps your body release serotonin (a hormone that increases happiness and a sense of well-being), dopamine (a neurotransmitter that makes you feel good), and norepinephrine (a hormone that brings about euphoria).

Here’s the point where we should be careful. Music has grown very diverse. There is a style bound to please everyone. I enjoy a wide variety, and listen to different music for different situations. But have you ever listened to a song that brought you down low? There are some songs that pound in lyrics filled with despair and negative thoughts. I’ve deleted discouraging/degrading songs off my daughters’ sound cloud—losing parenting points from them I’m sure. Why pump in something that will weigh us down and add to depression?

Music isn’t the only thing that has amazing potential if we use good judgment. Books and people have the power to be uplifting (or depressing) as well. I’m thankful that there are self-help books for nearly every problem I could encounter. Non-fiction and fiction can both encourage (or discourage) us. I’m also grateful for all of the positive people in my life who rub off on me. I need to seek them out even more. People with negative attitudes are infectious too, so I strive to avoid absorbing their discontent.

Now it’s time to unwind with some classical music. Maybe it will get the “A is for Apple” song from the autism room out of my head.

 

 

 

Complaint Vent Journal

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I knew complaining was going to be a hard habit to break, so I figured extra motivation was required. A visual reminder was what I needed to keep my goal front and center, so maybe it will help you, too. Last week I mentioned seven methods to decrease complaining. I’ll list them again in case you need them.

  1. Tell close family or friends about your decrease whining goal so you are held accountable.
  2. Transform complaints into solutions. If there is something that will help the problem—do it.
  3. Change “have to” to “get to”.
  4. When you discover yourself whining, add a “but” and say something positive.
  5. Distance yourself from chronic complainers. (At least during your own complaint detox.)
  6. If you must vent, do it on paper so it doesn’t affect others.
  7. Don’t give up if you don’t suddenly stop whining. Keep trying.

I didn’t want these to be empty words that sat on the page, so I determined to put them into action. I followed step one and told my family that my goal was to cut down my complaining. (They probably were cheering, but had the common sense not to do it out loud in my presence.)

I then made a Complaint Vent Journal. It started out as a plain notebook with “Complaint Vent Journal” scrawled across the top, which should be good enough. The crafty side of me craved more, plus I had trouble remembering steps two through four, so I pasted them to the cover (along with a couple other complaint reminders).

Whenever my insides started boiling, I pulled out my journal and began venting. I enjoy journaling at night, but this was a place for me to be as negative as I needed throughout the day. Here’s where my mind training came in to play. After my rant, I chose one step from the journal cover. When I transformed a complaint into a solution, my vent about the lack of a traffic light on the corner of 159th street that caused an extremely long line of traffic, was followed by a plan to drive an alternate route. I changed a “have to” to “get to” by changing that I “have to” cook dinner each night to I “get to” cook dinner for my family. I’m blessed with plenty of food and a family to share it with.  I added a “but” with something positive when writing about the exhaustion I felt each day after work “but” I get to make a difference in the lives of autistic kids and earn an income.

Yes, it took extra time, but it was worth the effort. I tallied my complaints at the top of the page for each day. There was a significant decrease by the end of the week. You’re welcome, family.

 

7 Ways to Slash Complaining

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At dinner last night, my husband asked, “How was everyone’s day?” We go through this routine almost every night.

I couldn’t wait until it was my turn. I craved a chance to vent about my long list of troubles. “There was a substitute bus driver and he didn’t stop, so I had to chase him to get your daughter to school. Then traffic was crazy, and when I finally got to work I realized I forgot my lunch, so all that work packing it was a waste of time. Okay, it was just a yogurt and crackers because I was rushed, but still. And then one of our autistic students had a meltdown because I broke his piece of bread in half and he prefers it whole, and so most alexander-book-picof the other kids started screaming because of the noise…” On and on I ranted. It was seriously a case of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day spewing from my mouth.

 

I felt a little better after my tirade, but I noticed the damper I inflicted on dinner. I don’t like when my kids whine or complain, and yet here I was sucking the joy out of the room. Later that evening, I reflected on how my family and I could cut back on whining. Here are the seven methods I plan to use.

  1. Tell close family or friends about your decrease whining goal so you’re held accountable.
  2. Transform complaints into solutions. If there is something that will help the problem—do it.
  3. Change “have to” to “get to”.
  4. When you discover yourself whining, add a “but” and say something positive.
  5. Distance yourself from chronic complainers. (At least during your own complaint detox.)
  6. If you must vent, do it on paper so it doesn’t affect others.
  7. Don’t give up if you don’t suddenly stop whining. Keep trying.

I hope some of you will join me in this complaint slashing adventure. We have the power to make people actually glad they asked, “How was your day?”

30 Ways to Focus on Others

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Sometimes ways to help others just occur naturally. If I see a lady juggling a baby, a diaper bag, and a fussy toddler and she’s approaching a door, I will instinctively open the door for her. I remember what it was like to wish I had three hands. Maybe you do, too.

There are times, however, when I want to keep my eyes off myself, but I just don’t have ideas bubbling through my brain on how to make a positive difference. I may not always have the time or the resources to go on a mission trip to Africa, but I can always offer a bit of sunshine. I decided that a list might inspire me when I’m stumped for ideas. Maybe the list will inspire you as well.

  1. Find someone at work or school who looks lonely and talk to them.
  2. If you’re sitting waiting your turn to eat at a restaurant, give your seat to someone else.
  3. Compliment someone.
  4. Give someone a hug.
  5. Contact someone who you haven’t reached in years.
  6. Let a car enter in front of your car.
  7. Pick up litter during your walk.
  8. Offer your change to someone who comes up short in the check-out line.
  9. Volunteer at a charity.
  10. Actively listen to someone, even if they are talking for a long time.
  11. Donate blood.
  12. Try to grow extra in your garden so you can give some fresh food away.
  13. Assist someone who looks lost.
  14. Donate clothing or other items to a charity.
  15. Visit someone who lives alone.
  16. Mow someone’s yard.
  17. Shovel the snow out of someone’s driveway.
  18. Give a family member breakfast in bed.
  19. Bake a treat for a neighbor or a friend.
  20. Forgive anyone who has wronged you.
  21. Do a chore you don’t normally do.
  22. Make an extra effort to orient and include someone new.
  23. Send an encouraging text, email, or letter.
  24. Remember to wish someone happy birthday on time.
  25. Thank service men for their sacrifice.
  26. Clean up after yourself.
  27. Use any resources you have to help someone find a job.
  28. Call someone by name.
  29. Include everyone in the room.
  30. Smile.

Simple ideas really, but they can get your ideas flowing. Now it’s time to work in my garden so I have veggies to share. If only the squirrels and rabbits understood that I can’t share with other people if they eat everything.

Thighs and Yoga Pants

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There are so many physical fitness experts giving exercise plans through their websites, videos, and blogs. I am not one of them. I make myself exercise, and sometimes I actually enjoy it, but I don’t claim expertise on the subject.

I do have personal experience feeling the difference exercise can make on my attitude. Not only do I feel better knowing I just did what I could to battle my ever-expanding thighs, I also have a surge of energy and endorphins. The endorphins are wonderful little chemicals that interact with the receptors in my brain, reducing my perception of pain and making me a happier person. Hopefully you have felt an infusion of joy from endorphins as well. If not, get ready for a drug-free boost.

I find that I need variety in my exercise. If I do the same exercise routine every day I tend to get bored. Some of you are probably die-hard runners, so this might not be true for you. I see you with your muscled legs and zero body fat and know what you are doing is effective. I wish I could be more like you. But no, running every day is not my thing.

Here are the methods of exercise I like to bounce between the most:

  • Biking
  • Walking
  • Kick-boxing
  • Gardening (doesn’t get my heart-rate up but I can feel it afterwards)
  • Aerobics (while I watch Netflix)
  • Yoga
  • Dancing (don’t judge—my moves aren’t great but I keep moving)
  • Pilates

Exercising at least 20 to 30 minutes three days a week is good, but I aim for at least five days a week. This helps me sleep better, reduces my stress, and remember those endorphins I mentioned? I want them more than three days a week.

The last two months I have added a super short workout to my morning routine. I’m guessing I’m not the only one with crazy mornings. By the time I make breakfast for my kids and drive them to school, I barely have time to get ready for work myself. I can’t seem to squeeze in a full workout because I am not a morning person, but I can squeeze in a five minute stretching or yoga routine, and it helps my attitude immensely. Like I say, I am no fitness expert, so I will show you a routine from Tara Stiles that I enjoy. You don’t want to watch me doing these moves in yoga pants. (Thighs—remember?)

 

Let’s get those endorphins flowing and feel our attitude change for the better!

 

 

Calm Crankiness

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One of our autistic students came back from a long weekend and was tired and cranky. When I say cranky, I mean he cried and threw tantrums for three hours. Multiple people tried to step in and soothe the poor little guy, but he would have none of it. All our breathing techniques, squeezing and hand rubbing were failing. Attempts to distract fell flat. The other students were covering their ears and getting stressed. So were the adults. Our room is rarely quiet, but oh my.

Finally, it was time for recess. I managed to thread his arms through his jacket sleeves and coax him out the door. It was windy, and at first he refused to budge and just fumed on the sidewalk. Kids galloped past him. I held his hand and we started walking around the playground. His tears slowed. We walked faster. His tears stopped. Eventually he let go of my hand and began running around on his own. When we finally bustled back into the classroom, his tantrum had ended and he was able to start learning. Thank the Lord.

Now there are no guarantees that exercise will calm every storm, but it wasn’t all by chance. Research shows that exercise causes changes in different chemical levels in the body, which can have an effect on our psychological state. Endorphins increase, giving us a positive feeling that fights depression. Exercise also boosts the neurotransmitter serotonin, helping us keep calm.

So when we start feeling down, a walk or workout can do wonders. Our mind set can change, helping us regain a positive attitude.

Fair Band-Aids

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“Life isn’t fair!”

We’ve all heard it. We’ve probably all said it. Last week, I shared the thought that fair doesn’t mean equal. Modeling this concept with consistency is a great way to communicate this message to your kids or students, but what if they still don’t seem to understand? An idea that was posted repeatedly on Pinterist caught my attention. All that you will need is some band-aids and a little time.

Have your kids or students close their eyes and imagine that they have an injury somewhere on their body. Ask them to tell you where the pretend injury is. Place a band-aid on the back of their hand without explanation. The kids will probably be confused. If the injury was on my leg, why did you put the band-aid on my hand? Hopefully they will make one of their frequent comments about it not being fair.

Ask the kids how it wasn’t fair, since everyone got a band-aid. Guide them in a discussion about how the band-aid wasn’t helpful unless it was where they needed it. Fair isn’t when everyone gets the same thing. It’s when everyone gets what they need. Emphasize that comparing ourselves to others will only make us unhappy. Someone else is always going to have better clothes or the latest device that we want. (Or in our lives as adults, a bigger house, or a better job.) We need to appreciate and make the most of what we have.

A book for middle grade readers that I wrote several years ago may help children when life Sandstone Cactus Cover_FINALseems unfair. It shares the story of a Navajo girl who spent years working toward owning a horse of her own. Just when her dream is within her grasp, disaster strikes, and the pinto filly she earned goes to someone else. So unfair! She struggles with the choice to persevere and grow or withdraw and wither.

Now you have a couple tools to combat the “life isn’t fair” episode. Let’s see if the concept gets stuck in our child’s brain—and in our own.