“Life isn’t fair!”

We’ve all heard it. We’ve probably all said it. Last week, I shared the thought that fair doesn’t mean equal. Modeling this concept with consistency is a great way to communicate this message to your kids or students, but what if they still don’t seem to understand? An idea that was posted repeatedly on Pinterist caught my attention. All that you will need is some band-aids and a little time.

Have your kids or students close their eyes and imagine that they have an injury somewhere on their body. Ask them to tell you where the pretend injury is. Place a band-aid on the back of their hand without explanation. The kids will probably be confused. If the injury was on my leg, why did you put the band-aid on my hand? Hopefully they will make one of their frequent comments about it not being fair.

Ask the kids how it wasn’t fair, since everyone got a band-aid. Guide them in a discussion about how the band-aid wasn’t helpful unless it was where they needed it. Fair isn’t when everyone gets the same thing. It’s when everyone gets what they need. Emphasize that comparing ourselves to others will only make us unhappy. Someone else is always going to have better clothes or the latest device that we want. (Or in our lives as adults, a bigger house, or a better job.) We need to appreciate and make the most of what we have.

A book for middle grade readers that I wrote several years ago may help children when life seems unfair. It shares the story of a Navajo girl who spent years working toward owning a horse of her own. Just when her dream is within her grasp, disaster strikes, and the pinto filly she earned goes to someone else. So unfair! She struggles with the choice to persevere and grow or withdraw and wither.

Now you have a couple tools to combat the “life isn’t fair” episode. Let’s see if the concept gets stuck in our child’s brain—and in our own.